Desert Island Drams – The Whisky Sponge
The Whisky Sponge is a somewhat satirical, however never too far from the truth, commentator on all things whisky.
This week I attempt to convince The Sponge to nominate a Desert Island Dram.
Whiskysponge is traditionally a sea dwelling entity so I would probably just traverse the seafloor in order to return to my home in Scotland and continue the painstaking process of scraping the puddles of industry marketing vomit off the pavement of the whisky world and flinging them back in the industry’s face where appropriate.
If a bottle choice is absolutely necessary it would be one of the Ardbeg Mor series. This would be ideal as it could be cut in half and used as a rudimentary life raft. Also, upon return, I could seek out the human responsible for my temporary inconveniencing on this so called ‘Desert Island’ and smash them in the face with the Ardbeg Mor.
Or, it could be a similarly sized bottle of Glenmorangie 10 year old, in which case it would be more effective simply to force them to drink it instead.
Speaking of this so called ‘Desert Island’. What are its specific latitude and longitude? Is it the same one with Tom Hanks talking to a football? What sort of tea and coffee making facilities can be expected? I don’t actually like tea and coffee, am I going to be forced to drink tea and coffee? What are the wifi speeds like? Has the council notified you of any intentions to lay fibre? Is it Islay? If so we would probably not need whisky but just a ready supply of decent beer. What are the shipping charges for delivery to the island and is the whole thing just going to be like fucking Lost?!
You clearly have not thought this through and I suspect you are simply attempting to lure whisky flavoured people to a secretive offshore location where you can devour them in peace.
If this is so, I will send you a list of high priority names for immediate consumption.